The Forgotten Life
by Adamantwrites
Summary: Joe, on a business trip alone to St. Louis, does not return; Adam and Hoss head off on a journey to find what has happened to their younger brother.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. All original characters and plots are the property of the author. No part or this story may be published anywhere else or copied without express permission of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Forgotten Life

Part 1

Joe Cartwright had been in St. Louis for less than an hour when two men approached him from a side alley a little after dark and asked for money. He immediately knew that the men were dangerous, that their polite request was a disguised demand. They didn't carry guns but he knew that each one had about twenty-five to thirty pounds on him. And he was also aware that St. Louis was not Virginia City; he couldn't depend on his reputation to help him if he shot an unarmed man in self-defense. Even Sheriff Roy Coffee, having no jurisdiction in St. Louis, wouldn't be able to help. So Joe's mind raced as to how to handle the situation. He had two thousand dollars cash hidden inside his jacket in a secret pocket. There was a bull in the stockyard that Joe was to buy and have shipped to Virginia City for breeding stock-and what a beauty it looked in the pictures that had been sent ahead by the seller. Ben Cartwright, Joe's father saw the pictures in the Cattleman's Association book, wanted the bull, and had to own it. Adam had teased his father about lusting after the bull as if it was a woman and Hoss had teased his Pa that he would probably kiss it on the lips, that is, if the bull didn't hook him and toss him flat on his back first.

"Here's a dollar, silver money," Joe said, handing the men the coin. "That's all I can spare." Joe started to turn away when one of the men grabbed him by the arm and swung him around.

"This measly dollar ain't gonna be enough," the bigger of the two men said.

Joe was determined to sound authoritative. "Well, it's going to have to do because I…." Joe couldn't finish his sentence before the man swung him around by his arm. Joe saw the man pull back his fist and he felt the blow land on his jaw. Joe went flying backwards into the alley and landed on his back and before he could recover, the other man grabbed him up by his jacket front and punched him in the solar plexus. Joe's breath left him. Joe couldn't even gasp; he was in a void as his body struggled violently to breathe. The larger man, still holding him up, pummeled him in the ribs and then punched him again and Joe felt his head snap back. He felt helpless, he couldn't even raise a hand to defend himself, and then the man shoved him against the brick wall of one of the buildings and Joe felt the back of his head hit it with a sickening thud. Waves of nausea came over him and Joe's last thoughts before the blackness came upon him was of his father and his brothers and how they wouldn't know what had happened to him and how desolate they would be when he never returned home.

Joe eventually came back to consciousness and felt near-blinding pain in his head; he could barely open his eyes. And then the smell of vomit hit him; he had been lying in his own vomit, for how long, he didn't know. Joe managed to pull himself up but the world began to spin about him. He could barely stand upright and only by holding onto the sides of the building, did he manage to stay on his legs. He pulled himself along until he was back on the street but he still had trouble focusing his eyes-everything was now dark and blurry. He struggled along and noticed that the few people who passed him, avoided him as he reached out for help. And then he felt the wall give way and he fell through it and landed on a floor.

The light was so bright he couldn't open his eyes-the stabbing sharpness hurt and there were loud noises. 'A piano,' Joe thought, "someone is playing a piano." But then the music stopped and there was no noise except voices and he peeked through his eyes and saw boots, men's boots and then a set of slender ankles in the smallest, most delicately strapped red shoes. Then the person dropped to her knees-he saw the satiny, red fabric of a dress and he felt a soft, stroke of a gentle hand on his hair and a female voice murmuring over him. What she said, he wasn't sure but he felt men's hands pick him up and carry him somewhere and soon, there was a softness under him and a cold, wet cloth on his forehead and he drifted off to blessed relief.

Joe felt as if someone was sticking needles in his eyes. The light that was coming into the room caused him pain, so he rolled over and threw an arm over his head. He felt bile rising again and swallowed repeatedly to keep from vomiting.

"Hey, cowboy," a woman's voice said, "don't go spewing on yourself again. I already washed your shirt, pants and cleaned that jacket you were wearing-and it wasn't any too pleasant neither. That's one of the reasons I never did get married; I don't like cleaning up piss, poop or puke and, buddy, you both pissed and puked-now don't push it."

"Please," Joe mumbled, "the light."

"Oh, too bright, huh?" Joe heard curtains being drawn and could see and feel the room get darker. The heat from the sun retreated.

Joe turned over gently; he didn't want to disturb his stomach with any unnecessary motion. "Where am I?" Joe managed to utter.

"You're in my room upstairs at the Red Lion saloon. You came falling through the swinging doors and landed flat on the floor. Looks like someone practically beat the life out of you. You must have really pissed someone off."

"Feels like it was a whole brigade of someones." Joe still kept his eyes closed.

"What's your name, handsome?" Joe felt the bed sink slightly. _'She must have sat down,' _he thought.

"My name…I mean, I'm…" Joe began to panic. _'Something's wrong with my head,' _Joe thought. "I know that I'm…" But he didn't know. Joe sat up, breathing heavily, ignoring the pain in his head and neck, and he looked desperately at the young woman who sat beside him. "I should know, shouldn't I? My name, I should know that but I can't remember. I don't even know where the hell I am or how I got this way. I should know these things, I should know!"

Joe tried to get up but the woman put her hands on his forearms and stared into his face. She thought he was probably the most beautiful man she had ever seen. His hair was dark and curly, _'Like David in the Bible,' _she thought. And the night before when she had undressed him, she had just stared in admiration of his physique and softly ran her hand over his chest, gently touching the purplish bruises on his ribs and then she pulled her hand back and was ashamed of herself; she wouldn't want a man to take advantage of her if she were in this condition. So she had blushed deeply and then placed a folded towel beneath him in case he needed to wet again. Then she had pulled up the sheet and blanket and just stood and stared at the face that was both masculine and angelic at the same time, despite the swollen jaw and the blue-black area developing under one eye.

"Calm down, cowboy, just lie back down," she said. "You just need to rest. It'll all come back to you. It's probably like a hang-over, you know. A guy with a really bad hang-over can't remember what he's done. But if you just rest, it'll all come back to you."

But Joe wasn't so sure and he felt unutterable fear; he was in Limbo and remembered hearing as a child about Limbo being a state of nothingness-neither happiness nor unhappiness- neither joy nor pain- just nowhere and nothing. And that was how he felt.

TBC


	2. Part 2

**Part 2**

Hoss, having returned from town, walked in the house and saw his father sitting in his favorite red chair and smoking his pipe, a coffee cup beside him. Adam was sitting on the settee, his back to the door, a mug of coffee on the table in front of him.

"'Bout time you got back," Adam said. "I almost had Pa convinced to sit down to breakfast without you. And did you get the newspaper?" Adam turned his head to see Hoss. "What's wrong," Adam asked. Hoss could never hide his feelings, part of what made him such a poor poker player.

Ben Cartwright held the bowl of his pipe and looked at Hoss. "What is it, Hoss?"

"Now, Pa, promise that you won't jump to conclusions; it might be nothin'. There was a telegram..." Hoss tossed the paper he had tucked under his arm to Adam and pulled the telegram out of his pocket.

"He didn't buy the bull, did he?" Ben said. "I knew I shouldn't have sent him off alone, despite his asking. He's too damn young to go traipsing off to St. Louis by himself. Damn it all to Hell! If something's happened, if he lost that bull in a poker game or spent that money gambling, well, he just better not come home."

Hoss and Adam exchanged looks. "I think it may be more serious than that, Pa," Adam said, "judging by the look on Hoss' face. Let me see it." Adam reached over the back of the settee and Hoss handed him the telegram. Ben moved to sit on the edge of his chair, watching Adam's face.

Adam read, "No money sent as agreed-stop-sold bull to another-stop-regrets. M. Townsend." Adam handed the telegram to his father and Ben read it again.

"I don't understand," Ben said. "What could have happened?" Ben looked at Hoss. "No wire from Joe?" Hoss just shook his head and took off his hat, holding it in his hands.

"Pa," Hoss said, "I think there may be trouble. Joe's irresponsible at times and all that, but he woulda sent a telegram if he'd lost that money and couldn't pay for the bull. I got a bad feelin', Pa, a real bad feelin'."

"Well," Adam said, standing up, "I think it's time I visited St. Louis again. I never did like that city though."

"Wait a minute," Ben said. "What if something happened before Joe arrived at St. Louis?"

"Well, Pa, it's only logical. Joe sent a wire when he arrived at the depot to catch the train. The chances of something happening on the train are small so I'm guessing he arrived at St. Louis but I'll ask at the station when I arrive in St. Louis if there was any problem on board. You know, if there was a robbery or…" Adam stopped; he didn't want to give his father anything more to worry about.

"Well," Hoss said, "I'm goin' too. When you wanna leave, Adam?"

"Now wait a minute," Ben said. "I think that you two should stay here and mind the ranch and I'll go to St. Louis and look for Joe. He's my son and although you like to think otherwise, I am the one in charge around here."

Hoss and Adam exchanged glances. "Sure, Pa, you go right ahead and think that way, but Hoss and I are going-he's our brother. That's two brothers versus one father. We trump you, Pa-you stay home." Ben started to protest but Adam cut him off. "And I promise, we'll send you a wire every chance we get to let you know where we are. All right?"

Ben thought for a few moments and then answered, "All right. But you had better let me know where you are. I don't need to worry about all three of my sons."

"Good," Adam said. "Let's go pack, Hoss. And take a suit. Those St. Louis folk don't care much for cowboys."

"Adam," Hoss said, "we got time for a little breakfast afore we leave for town, don't we?. I can't even find for my own ass, so much a whole person, 'lessen I eat a little somethin' first."

Adam sighed but said, "I guess a little breakfast under our belts won't hurt any." And the three men sat down to a somber meal.

TBC


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

After a few days, Joe's panic died down a bit and he turned his attention to where he was. He had asked the young woman who took him in what her name was and she told him it was Madeline. "But everyone just calls me, Maddy." He also asked her how long he had been there-he had lost track of time with his sleeping and waking and then sleeping again, and she said it was just close to three days.

Maddy was finishing getting dressed as Joe lay on the bed, still recovering; his ribs were still tender and bruised. She seemed to have no qualms about coming into the room every morning and dropping her wrapper, standing there in her undergarments and then slipping her dress on over her head and pulling on her stockings and garters in front of him. She made a point of having him notice her legs; the customers always complimented her on her shapely legs, and she would glance over to see if Joe was watching and then she would smile to herself.

While Joe had been staying in her room, she had been staying the nights with another girl; Maddy didn't trust herself with him. She was in the business of manipulating men, of making them want her and she knew just by instinct that this young man was open and honest-he could be so easily hurt. Maddy wouldn't take advantage while he was at her mercy. And when he looked up at her as she brought him his meals and sat with him for as long as she could while he ate, she felt an ache for him; she wanted to hold him to her breast and croon comforting words, to run her fingers through his curls. No man had brought out the protective instinct in her before and the emotions surprised her; it almost made her want to avoid him just to not feel that way. But she couldn't stay away; she found her mind constantly going to him and she would go upstairs and check on him every chance she had. And sometimes, when he was napping, she would sit and watch his gentle breathing and she found that she was at peace as well.

They had decided that they would call him, David. Maddy told him that when she was younger, she had seen a picture of a statue of David and that Joe, with his perfect features, as if they had been carved out of marble, reminded her of it. Joe felt it was a simple, reasonable name so he agreed.

So Madeline walked over to the bed and bent down to kiss "David" before she went downstairs. It was the first kiss she had given him and she hadn't even thought about it-it just seemed natural-and when she did, Joe pulled her down on top of him and then gave a slight groan when she landed on his ribs.

Madeline laughed. "Thought you could do more than you can, huh, cowboy?"

"I can do just fine," Joe said. "You know, you're one little tease, dressing in front of me. You want me to see what I haven't yet had, don't you?"

"What do you mean-yet? What makes you think that you're going to get any of me?" Madeline smiled coyly at him while she lay alongside him on the bed, propped on one elbow, running her fingers through his thick curls. She wanted to spend more time with him, to be with him, but she had work waiting downstairs. She had promised Red, the woman who owned the saloon, that having "David" with her wouldn't cause a problem, that she would continue with her job of selling drinks and pulling customers upstairs; she would just use any room that was vacant.

"I tell you what, handsome," Madeline said. "You're just gonna have to wait until you're better before you even think of doing anything, got it?" Maddy ran a finger along his cheek and jaw line. For some reason, her heart was pounding and she felt herself flush.

"I'm getting better by the moment," Joe said with a devilish grin.

Maddy laughed and stood up. "That's only because I'm such a good nurse. Now, I have to go," she said, leaving the bed and heading to her vanity to touch up her hair.

"Oh, Maddy," Joe said, "thank you for letting me stay here. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't taken me in. You are some woman, Maddy. I'll repay you. I promise."

Maddy, who was putting more rouge on her lips, turned from the mirror and smiling, said, "Don't worry about it. I'll find a way that's satisfactory to both of us. I did for you, you'll do for me."

"Oh, quid pro quo," Joe said, grinning broadly.

"What?" Maddy said.

"It just means, you do something for me and I'll do something for you."

"Quid pro quo, huh?" Maddy said. "It sounds a little dirty. But then I like feelin' that way." Maddy sashayed over to Joe who was now lying back down and kissed him again-this time with the intention of making him want her, to desire her as a woman. Joe reached up and holding the back of her head with one hand, kissed her deeply. Then they looked into each other's eyes and Maddy was suddenly frightened because she knew then that she had fallen in love with this cowboy who didn't have a clue as to where he was or who he was. She couldn't decide if she had him at her mercy or if he had her. But if she had him, she hoped she would be kind to him and he to her; she had been hurt too many times.

The next day, Joe felt even better and Maddy told him that she had asked Red if he could work in the saloon. Red had said that if "David," worked, he could stay upstairs with her but he'd have to wash glasses and swamp at night after closing; Red said she'd ask him to help with rowdy drunks but that he obviously couldn't fight or he wouldn't be there.

So Joe started earning his keep, wearing an apron and constantly having to go around to tables retrieving dirty glasses and wiping off spilled beer and whiskey and cleaning up shells from the hard-boiled eggs in the bowls on each table. Then, after the Red Lion closed for the night, Joe mopped the floor. He hated cleaning up the plugs of slimy chew on the floor and mopping the splats of brown spittle; emptying the spittoons made him gag. But one night, a man came in, an older man, and he pulled out a pipe and lit up and the warm scent of pipe tobacco filled the air. Joe stood mesmerized; the smell was so familiar but he couldn't recall where he had smelled it before. It was like having a word or a person's name right on the tip of the tongue but it not coming to memory. It made Joe anxious; the ghosts of his forgotten life were haunting him again.

"Hey, Dave," the bartender yelled, "come get these glasses." And Joe snapped back to the present and picked up the three whiskey glasses with one hand to take to the back to wash.

And every so often, something would seem familiar to him, a piece of clothing someone wore, a turn of phrase or a singular pronunciation. And when that would happen, a sadness would overtake Joe and he would feel intense grief. Things seemed familiar yet unfamiliar.

And as time passed, Joe would lie nights in Maddy's arms and she would stroke his hair and they would talk about having a life together. Joe had fallen in love with Maddy. She was beautiful to him with her dark blonde hair and blue eyes-and she pleasured him and treated him as a man. But after she had fallen asleep, Joe would hold her close in his arms and ache for something-what it was, he knew not. But Joe did know that he would never be at peace until he found it.

TBC


	4. Part 4

**Part 4**

One night, Maddy woke to find Joe pacing the room. She admired him in the moonlight streaming through the window. Men were such strange creatures, she thought; they were supposed to be strong and invincible and here was the one man she met who openly showed his emotions and told her as they lay together how very much he loved her. Maddy, although she felt the same way, played her cards close to her chest-all her past experiences with men who said they loved her taught her to not reveal too much-and she feared that one morning "David" would remember that he had a wife somewhere, maybe even children, and then he would take off and leave her.

Earlier that night they had argued in bed. "David" had told her that he would find a job somewhere else, he would get her out of the Red Lion and they could marry and she could stop what she did. She had asked him what kind of job he wanted and he told her that he could work in a store or in the stockyards. Maddy asked him what he knew about the stockyards, how he even knew about them and Joe stopped, puzzled. There was something about the stockyards that nagged him-he didn't know why he had mentioned them and why they sounded familiar to him. He shrugged and said that he must have heard someone talking about them.

"David, What makes you think I want to quit my job?" Maddy had asked. "Hell, David, I make more money than you do."

Instead of taking it as an insult to his manhood as most men would, Joe just accepted it as fact. "That's why I need to get another job, Maddy. Don't you see? I want to take care of you. Do you like asking men to buy you drinks and then letting them take you upstairs? Why would you want that? Aren't I enough for you?"

Maddy looked into his earnest eyes and saw nothing but love for her there. "Of course you're enough for me-for my heart-but they pay money, that's why I do it? And I don't even have to get undressed over half the time for what most of them want. It's an easy job, David, and I'm saving for us, so that we can have a life together."

"I don't want you to have to be a whore," he said. "I don't want to share you with other men. Oh, Maddy, I love you. I want to provide for you and be your husband and have me be the only man in your life."

Maddy had looked into his green eyes that shone in the lamplight. His soul was there for her to see. Never before had she known a man like him. And although some may have called him only a boy, to her, he was a true man; he put those he loved before him and he was willing to work diligently to provide for those he loved-and he loved her. Maddy wondered if his family or those who loved him were losing their minds wondering where he was. She also considered what she would have done had she found something in his jacket or pants' pockets, some letter or identification. Would she have contacted his family and told them where he was? Maybe in the beginning, she thought, but she knew that now, she wouldn't do it; he was hers-no one else's.

And then, when Maddy didn't respond to him, Joe became quiet. He had swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat with his back to her.

"Now, , David, don't get angry." she said, putting her hand on his back. He jumped up and knocked her arm away.

"You know what? I'm going away. I want a wife but it seems that you love your work more than you love me." Joe's feelings were hurt; he didn't like having to share Maddy. He loved her and couldn't accept that she did sexual favors for complete strangers.

"No, Dave, no," she cried, "that's not true at all!" She rose from the bed, went up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, laying her cheek against his back.. "You're who I want, David, who I love. I'm sorry. I'll quit. When you get another job, I'll quit-I promise. Come back to bed now, please." He didn't respond so she moved around to face him. Then she dropped on her knees in front of him and bent down to hold onto his calves. "Do anything you want to me-I don't care. Just please don't leave me." She had never humiliated herself like this before, but she was ready to kiss his feet if he asked.

Joe stood for a moment. "Get up," he gently told her. He reached down and holding onto her forearms, he helped her up and Joe looked at her standing before him, tears in her eyes. He ran his hands down her sides and she shivered slightly. He knew she was older than he, probably by at least four years; she was close to thirty but she was still a pretty woman with her dark-blonde hair and her large blue eyes, And she had a narrow waist and full hips and she did know her way around him, ways to please him that had previously been unknown to him.

Despite the fact that she adored him, loved him more than any other man, there was just something about him that made him so vulnerable; something about his intense beauty. And so she knew that she had to be extra careful what she said to him and how she said it-and what she did to him when they were alone. And sometimes, she was a little cruel to him but after, she was always gentle with him, stroking him and kissing him and murmuring her love. And she would also tell herself, never again-I'll never hurt him again. And he would look up at her with his sad eyes and he would break her heart.

So tonight, he paced the room with his troubles, thinking she was asleep. "David," she called, "come back to bed. Please." She held her arms out to him. "I miss you not being near me."

Joe rushed to the bed and dropped to his knees beside it. Maddy held his head next to her, against her cheek, and she was filled with such intense love and desire that it was painful. She physically wanted him, to consume him completely but she knew it would never be; he would leave her eventually, either because he remembered his past, or because she became too old for him and he found another who was prettier, younger.

"Come, on," she said to him, moving over in the bed and holding the covers up. Joe crawled into the bed and she laid the blankets over him and he put his arms around her and pulled her to him. Maddy lay her head on his chest, sighing with contentment; all was well in her world now. Joe gently stroked her shoulder while she whispered her love for him and told him how she believed she couldn't live without him.

And Joe whispered back that she would never have to live without him. But she knew better

TBC


	5. Part 5

Part 5

"Go wire Pa and tell him that we're here in St. Louis. " Adam told Hoss. It had taken them a week and four days to arrive. The coach ride to the train depot where they could take the train went on for almost four days. Adam had hoped the train would be faster but there had been a problem with the track and they had been held up a day and a half. Joe had been missing a little over a month now.

"Adam," Hoss said. "How come I gotta go send the wire? I thought we was gonna look for the hotel that Joe stayed in, 'member, The L'Hotel Palais? What does that mean anyway?"

"It's means The Palace Hotel but the way you say it. I swear, it sounds more like a cathouse than a hotel," Adam murmured in disgust.

"If only it were," Hoss said. "If only it were. But it's gettin' dark already and we haven't eaten since before noon. I'm 'bout near starved to death. Let's get to the hotel, get dinner and then get a good night's sleep. Then in the morning', we can go to them stinkin' stockyards. I swear, stockyards are just 'bout as reekin' of dung and piss as a pig sty. "

"Well, I guess that's as good a plan as any. I could use a little food under my belt," Adam said.

When they had arrived in St. Louis a little earlier, Adam had asked at the depot if there had been any problems with any of the passengers on the line in the last month or so and the clerk said there hadn't been, just business as usual. Then Adam asked if the clerk remembered a young man, twenty-three who had arrived a few weeks ago. He shook his head and said that he saw so many people come through the station that he wouldn't even be able to remember Adam in an hour's time.

"He had curly, dark hair and would have asked for directions to The Palace Hotel-L'Hotel Palais?" Adam refused to give up so easily.

"No, I…" the clerk said and then paused. "Just a minute now. I think I do remember. Young man, like you said. Asked me directions to The Palace, that's what we just call it. I remember because I drew him instructions on a pad-it's difficult for out-of-towners-and I also told him where the stockyards were-I tacked that on the map. Yeah, now I remember." The clerk was proud of himself for recalling such details.

"Can you tell me how to get to The Palace? I've been here before so I can probably find it easier than he could," Adam said.

The clerk, pointing in various directions as he talked, told Adam how to get there adding that it was one of the nicer hotels in St. Louis and said that it was named The Palace after the King of France's house. Adam just smiled at that.

"Thanks," Adam said and after reaching into his vest pocket, he flipped a two bits on the counter.

"Thanks, mister." The clerk smiled as he swept up the coin and pocketed it.

Adam walked back to Hoss. "Well, Joe at least got this far. Let's get to the hotel and then wire Pa. They have a concierge service."

"A what?" Hoss asked.

"A concierge. Someone who's employed to take care of arrangements for guests, deliver messages and such. He's like a butler for everyone." Hoss just stared in puzzlement at Adam. "Never mind," Adam said. "Let's just go." Adam picked up his portmanteau, Hoss, his carpet bag, and they walked in the direction given by the depot clerk.

"I never did care much for this city," Adam said, looking around. "Never cared for it much at all."

As they walked, Adam saw the city with Joe's eyes, how he would have reacted to the streetlights and the people milling around, no one even looking at anyone who passed them on the street. Every once in a while, a man would tip his hat at a woman whom he let into an establishment before him, but basically, everyone in the city was a stranger to everyone else.

"Pa should've never let Joe come alone," Adam said to Hoss. "I should've never let him. I should have insisted but I had that picnic lined up with Ilene. I only thought of myself. I should've gone with him."

"Now, Adam," Hoss said, "don't go blaming yourself. I swear, Adam, you're always ready to wear one of those, what's that called, oh, yeah, a hair shirt and I'm s'prised you don't go around floggin' yourself like them old time monks used to do-you know to punish themselves for who knows what sins they done thought they committed. That's you, Adam-always ready to take on the sins of the world and beat yourself up for them!"

Adam stopped and looked at Hoss in surprise. "How do you know about 'hair shirts' and monks flagellating themselves?"

"I ain't as ignorant as everyone thinks," Hoss said proudly. "I done read books we got at the house and I read some that you had, remember? 'Member that book that I asked you iffen I could read in my room?"

Adam smiled and started walking again. "Oh, yeah, that book was about the Dark Ages and it had those pictures of naked women being, um… dragged off by enemy warriors. I remember that you didn't want to give it back and I had to go search your room for it."

"Well, it was highly educational," Hoss said grinning. "I learned a lot from reading that."

"Yeah," Adam said sarcastically. "You mean you learned a lot from looking at the pictures. Yup, reading that book, that's what got me through college, it's so educational." Adam rolled his eyes and they walked on together.

When they arrived at The Palace and registered for a room, Adam asked the desk clerk if anyone by the name of Joseph Cartwright had registered a few weeks earlier. Hoss stood by Adam, looking around him; it was the grandest hotel he had ever seen with chandeliers and plush chairs, soft, lush carpets but best of all, he could smell the aromas wafting from the attached restaurant.

"Yeah," the clerk said, "a young man who signed in as Joe Cartwright was here about a month ago if not a bit longer."

"How do you know without even looking?" Adam asked.

"Because he never came back to the room. He had paid outright for a week and then he never came back. After that time, the other clerk went upstairs to check the room and his valise was still there."

"Where is it?" Adam asked.

"Why is that any business of yours?"

"Look, mister," Hoss said, leaning over the counter in a menacing way. "Look at our names written there. That Joe Cartwright is our brother and iffen you don't tell us…"

"Hoss, Hoss," Adam said putting out his arm to block him, "let me handle this." Adam turned back to the clerk. "What he said is true though. Joseph Cartwright is our brother. If you would tell us where we can find information about him, I'd-that is, we-would both appreciate it."

The clerk stood back and straightened his shoulders to show that he hadn't been intimidated by Hoss' aggressive stance, furrowed brow and set mouth.

"I turned it over to the Police Chief."

"Police Chief?" Hoss said. He was unfamiliar with the term.

"El Jefe," Adam told him and Hoss nodded.

"In another few weeks," the clerk added, "it'll be up for auction-contents unknown."

"One more thing," Adam asked. "Do you happen to know where he went after he left here?"

The clerk looked directly at Adam, avoiding Hoss' eyes. "He asked me how to get to the stockyards from here-if he could go on foot. So I gave him directions. It's not in the best part of town-you have to go past dance halls and saloons and some…well…red-light houses to get there."

"Thank you," Adam said. "I appreciate all that you've told us." Adam tossed a silver dollar on the counter. "And do you have a concierge service? I need a wire sent."

"Yes, sir, we do. Just write it out here." The clerk pushed a pad and pen to Adam. Adam quickly wrote it out and tore the sheet off and handed it to the clerk. "Please deliver it now," he said and then dropped two bits on the counter. "Now," Adam emphasized.

"Yes, sir," the clerk said and then snapped his fingers and a boy of about eighteen came and taking their cases, led them to their room. Adam looked at the young man. "Not that much younger than Joe," he thought.

TBC


	6. Part 6

**Part 6**

"Maddy," Joe shouted, coming into the room. The shade was still drawn on the window and Maddy groaned and then covered her eyes with her arm when Joe pulled up the shade.

"Oh, David," she complained, "why so early? It seems that I just got to sleep."

"Maddy," Joe said with great excitement. "I got another job and it's in the morning so I can do them both."

"What?" Maddy said, sitting up. "What did you say?"

"I got a job at the stockyards. I'll dump feed and rake up manure and, Maddy, they'll pay me a dollar a day. With that and what I make here, you can quit in another month and we can have our own place. Maddy, we can get married! Isn't that wonderful?" Joe pulled her up and hugged her and kissed her; he was like an excited school boy. Then he held her off at arm's length to better see her expression. "Maddy, starting tonight, no more men for you but me. You won't need to bring any more men upstairs. I'll make enough money now." He hugged her tightly, caressing her neck and the back of her head as she leaned against him. "Aren't you happy, my darling?"

"Yes," she said. "I'm happy, David. I really am. But this is the best I can do on only a few hours sleep."

Joe laughed. "Go back to sleep, my soon-to-be-wife. Oh, I love you so much, Maddy. So very much." Joe kissed her again. "I'm going to start this morning at the stockyards and I should be back around three or four this afternoon."

"Oh, David," she said, "Can't you be a little late?" She grabbed his arm and pulled him over onto her as she lay back on the bed.

Joe returned her caress and her kiss. "Well, I think maybe I could spare some time for the woman I love."

She ran her hands over him, reaching down to unbuckle his belt. Then she teasingly said, "I promise I'll make it worth your time." And she lightly laughed and watched as Joe quickly undressed and crawled under the blankets with her. Then she pulled his head down with both hands and kissed him deeply and the passion she felt was real. He responded. She took her time with him, wanting to keep him with her for as long as possible; she had a bad feeling about today, about the job-a sadness that she tried to ignore. She told herself that it was just a "woman mood," those times that hit women and made them weepy and hard to please. But Joe  
pleased her, he pleased her very much and she ended up crying out his name sooner than she had intended. But he had that effect on her; just to see him was enough so that she believed she would never need another man again.

When Joe dressed and left her with a tender kiss and the words that he loved her, Maddy felt such heaviness come upon her. She knew she wouldn't make a good wife but she didn't want to give up David. How could she possibly live without him, without his genuine smile that filled her with joy. She also knew she would miss his laugh, his voice and most of all, his body and the arms that drew her to him. She lay back down and began to weep because she knew that in a year or two, when Joe saw her in the morning light or they were out in the sun, he would notice how much older than he she was. He would see the lines forming around her eyes and notice the thickening around her middle. Then, when he saw some young, dewy, doe-eyed beauty, he would compare her with Maddy and Maddy knew that she would lose. Her only hope was to hold onto David as long as she could and then to let him go-that is, unless he remembered who he was before then. And if he did remember, maybe he would stay and maybe he wouldn't-she really didn't know. But then, she never was one for gambling. It seemed to her that fortune didn't favor the foolish and Maddy knew she was a very foolish woman even to have become involved with David and even worse, to have given her heart to him.

Early the same morning, Adam and Hoss went over to the police chief's office to claim Joe's valise; it hadn't been easy. For one, they had to prove they had a right to the valise. Adam pulled out a telegram from Sheriff Coffee identifying them to prove his case; Adam had the idea last night that they might need some identification so he had another wire sent to Coffee and the response was delivered that morning. Then the police chief asked them to identify the contents. He would then open the valise and compare the contents with their predictions. Hoss and Adam had to guess what would be in there, what clothes or items Joseph would have packed but since Adam had stood dictating to Joe how not to get snookered at buying the bull , he remembered quite of bit of what Joe had packed, especially since Adam had given him offhand advice: "You'll look like a bumpkin if you wear that in St. Louis." Adam had also convinced Joe to pack his short, green jacket instead of wearing it. Adam had called downstairs for Hop Sing to bring up the jacket he had been preparing for Joe's trip.

Hop Sing had come bustling in saying, "Hop Sing do what Mistah Adam ask. I sew pocket-cannot find easy-inside-here." Hop Sing turned the jacket inside out and showed Joe where the secret pocket was to hide the cash and Joe was pleased.

So Adam was able to say what would be inside when the Chief opened the valise and all that was left was to sign the receipt and to take possession. They returned to the hotel and stored Joe's valise with theirs. Adam and Hoss didn't talk about the valise and what it being abandoned implied; they didn't want to consider it.

"Let's go the stockyards," Adam said.

Hoss and Adam walked through the streets to get to the stockyards. They were beyond the outskirts of town, just past the most sordid saloons and whore houses in St. Louis. When they had started out, they passed some proper, respectable dance halls and saloons but the further they went, the less desirable the places became. As they came closer to the stockyards, the odor of horse and cow manure rose in a heavy stench, a stinking miasma.

They asked the day manager of the stockyards if anyone named Joe Cartwright had been there for the cattle auction over a month ago. The manager just shrugged. Then Adam gave him Joe's description and he said that he had just hired a young man for a dollar a day to shovel dung but that his name was David. Nice young man too but he was supposed to have reported to work already-he was ten minutes late.

Adam thanked him and he and Hoss headed back to their hotel.

"What you thinkin', Adam?" Hoss asked.

"I'm just trying to figure out where else Joe would go. Let's go have lunch." Adam replied.

"Sounds good to me. I cain't think when I'm hungry," Hoss said.

"Well, that explains a lot," Adam replied.

Joe had run the last way to the stockyards and he searched frantically for the stockyard manger; he was late his first day. "I should've told Maddy, no," Joe thought. Finally he saw Mr. Jack, the manager.

"Mr. Jack," I hope I'm not too late to start this morning." Joe stood, breathing heavily from his exertions. "I ran almost the whole way here."

Mr. Jack laughed. "Anyone who'd run to clean up after these stinkin' animals deserves the job. Go to the shed and get yourself a rake and a shovel and get to work."

"Thank you, Mr. Jack. Thank you!" Joe grinned broadly. He walked backwards a few steps, thanking Mr. Jack and then turned to hurry to the shed to get the shovel and rake.

Mr. Jack watched Joe and couldn't help but admire the young man who was so eager to work. 'There's something about him,' Mr. Jack thought, 'that doesn't belong here; he's come  
from better stock.' Mr. Jack always thought about things in animal terms. He knew this young man with his elegant features and his ambitious attitude was a thoroughbred. He didn't belong there.

TBC


	7. Part 7

**Part 7**

Adam had decided that they needed to go to the stockyards in the evening again and ask more questions about Joe. Maybe Joe had run his mouth too much about money when waiting for the bull and for all they knew, his body could be hidden under stacks of hay or under bags of feed. Maybe even buried underneath a pile of manure-no one would be able to smell a decaying corpse in that place.

"Adam, why you always gotta think the worst? Maybe our younger brother done got himself involved with some rich, city woman who right now is probably lettin' 'im drink champagne outta her shoe. And speakin' of that," Hoss said, "I need a beer." They were passing the mid-quality saloons.

"I swear, Hoss, either you're hungry or you're thirsty," Adam said. "We just had that huge dinner in the hotel. And you had what, half a pie for dessert?"

"Well, I was just comparing it to Hop Sing's peach pie and I couldn't quite decide. But it's passin' all these saloons that's given me a powerful thirst. Can't the stockyards wait until later? I mean it's not goin' anywhere and we've already been there lookin' for Joe once today. I doubt Joe's hidin' in some pen with steers. Besides, we ain't been in here yet askin' about Joe.," Hoss said standing in front of The Red Lion.

Adam looked disgustedly at Hoss. "Joe would've gone into the better saloons we passed earlier."

"Just one beer, older brother. Let's go in here." Hoss pointed to The Red Lion. "Just one beer-maybe two if what they got on draught is any good. I'll drink and you do all the askin'." Adam and Hoss had stopped in some of the saloons on their way to and from the stockyards to see if maybe Joe had stopped in. So far, nobody admitted to having seen him.

"Just one beer," Adam said, holding up one finger. "But now that you've mentioned it, I could use a cold one myself." So Adam and Hoss walked into the saloon and Hoss started to walk to the bar.

No, Hoss, " Adam said, "Here you sit down and they bring it to you." So they sat at a table and Hoss starting eating some of the hard-boiled eggs sitting in the bowl in the middle, leaving the shells on the tabletop. A pretty woman came over to them and asked them what they would like to drink.

"Two beers," Hoss said, "and maybe your company for a little while." Hoss grinned at her; she had blue eyes and dark-blonde hair and maybe a little too much rouge on her cheeks and lips but she was pretty.

"Comin' up," the woman said smiling.

"I swear, Hoss," Adam said. "I know you've got a big appetite, but for women too and at a time like this?"

"I'm just as worried 'bout Joe as you are but that don't mean I can't enjoy the company of a woman. Besides, it'll help take my worried mind off the problem for a while."

The saloon girl came back carrying the two mugs of beer with one hand and a glass of amber liquid in a whiskey glass in her other hand. She sat the beers down in front of Hoss and Adam and sitting down, saluted Hoss with the whiskey glass. "I thought you'd want to buy me a drink too." She smiled at Hoss and Hoss thought that she became prettier the more he looked at her. Adam just shook his head and sipped his beer.

Joe came out from the back to put clean glasses under the bar and saw Maddy sitting with two men, both in suit jackets. One of them was probably one of the biggest men he'd ever seen and the other had black hair; he had his back to Joe and Joe couldn't see the face but there was something about how he held his beer mug that intrigued Joe. He tried to place where he had seen someone hold a mug like that, in that elegant way. It was like an itch he couldn't scratch. The man seemed to make sitting in a saloon, drinking a beer seem sophisticated.

"Here, Dave" the bartender said to Joe, "take these two pitchers and wash 'em."

"Yeah," Joe answered, glancing once more at the two men with Maddy. Joe didn't like the way Maddy was smiling at the big one-she agreed that she wouldn't have any more men starting that night-they had talked about it just that morning. No more men upstairs. He knew Maddy liked it rough sometimes but she had said that part of the reason she adored Joe was because he was so tender a lover. But Joe suspected that the reason Maddy was playing up to the big man, was because he could give her a good, rough ride. "I'm gonna have to find another job than this one," Joe told himself, "real soon so that Maddy and I can leave this place. One that pays much more than here or at the stockyards." And he went back into the kitchen.

"How about you coming upstairs with me-wha'd you say your name was?" Maddy asked.

"We didn't," Adam said.

"My name's, Hoss, ma'am and this here's my brother, Adam." Adam tipped his hat.

"Well, glad to meet both of you. Now as I was saying…"

"Before Hoss and you conduct any business," Adam said, "I'd like to ask you a few questions, ma'am, if you'll spare me a minute."

"Now, Adam," Hoss said, "can't that stuff wait until later?" Hoss turned to the pretty blonde woman. "I'll give you fifteen bucks because you're so pretty and iffen you do what I ask."

"Hell," Adam said, "for fifteen bucks, I'll do you!"

"You're just not my type, big brother," Hoss said smiling. "I like blondes." They laughed and Maddy thought about how these two men were nice-nice as David was nice. There was the lack of meanness in them, unlike so many men she had met in her job.

"One question though," Adam said, "and then you two can go get married, for all I care. We're looking for our brother, our younger brother, Joe Cartwright. He's about five-ten, curly brown hair, slender and has what some women call a baby-face. He got here almost a month and a half ago."

"Yeah," Hoss said, "some people might call our little brother down-right purty."

Maddy tried to keep her face composed; she immediately realized that David was probably Joe Cartwright but she told herself, "You don't really know, Maddy, you don't really know. Besides, if David remembers who he is or they take him back with them, what will become of you?"

Maddy smiled at the two men who were waiting for her reply and simply told them that she hadn't met anyone except big cowboys like Hoss. And then she asked Hoss if he still wanted to go upstairs. Maddy wanted to get them out of the saloon as soon as possible; she was afraid that David would come out and start to clear tables of glasses and if he was Joe Cartwright, he would be gone within the hour.

"Want to come too?" Maddy asked Adam as she and Hoss stood up.

"No, no," Adam said, "I don't even like to drink after him." Adam nodded toward Hoss, and then downed his beer. "Hoss, I'm going on to the stockyards. Hurry up, would you?"

"Now, Adam," Hoss said, going up the stairs following Maddy, "let me enjoy myself, will ya? Go kiss a steer."

Adam shook his head, smiling. He sat for a few moments and glanced around. He started to get up when he froze. There was Joe coming out from the back. He held a tray of beer mugs and whiskey glasses turned upside down on a dishtowel. Before Adam could say anything, he saw Joe ask the bartender something, roughly put the tray down and head up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

"Joe," Adam called out, taking after him.

Joe threw open the door to his and Maddy's room and saw Maddy slipping her dress down and stepping out of it while the big cowboy was unbuckling his pants.

"What the hell…" Hoss said as the door flew open. "Joe? Oh, my God, Joe, we've been lookin' for you!" Hoss started to walk over to Joe, happy to see him but Joe swung back and punched Hoss who, upon receiving the blow, staggered back a step. "What the hell's wrong with you?" Hoss asked, rubbing his jaw. "Dang, Joe, is that any way…" But Hoss couldn't get out the next word because Joe struck him again.

Maddy stood, not knowing what to do. She now knew that "David" was Joe Cartwright, there was no denying it to herself or anyone else, and that the two men were his brothers. It wasn't any physical resemblance that had told her so, that had convinced her of it, nor the fact that Hoss called his name; it was the air about them, the familiar mannerisms that they all seemed to share. And she also realized that she had lost David. He wouldn't stay with her if he had a family, maybe even a love waiting for him back home.

Adam had followed Joe into the room and after the second blow that Joe landed on Hoss, Adam grabbed Joe from behind and swung him back and around, taking a fighting stance.

"Damn you, Adam," Joe yelled, "get the hell…."

And then silence fell in the room. Adam and Hoss stared at Joe. Joe looked around the room. "I know," Joe said. "I know, I know who I am. I'm Joe Cartwright and I came to buy a bull and then, I guess there were those men…and the fight and…but I know. I know, Maddy." Joe looked at Maddy as she stood in the corner. Joe took a step to Adam, put out his arms and Adam held his brother to him as Joe clung to him. "I couldn't remember, Adam. I couldn't remember who I was. It was horrible not knowing. Oh, Adam, I'm so glad you came for me." And Adam clasped the back of Joe's neck as Joe held on to him. Joe had remembered who he was and it was as if a curtain had been raised and the sun had come out again and was illuminating what had been dark.

Adam and Hoss stared at one another. Then Hoss spoke up, looking at Maddy. "I thought you said that you hadn't seen anyone fittin' his description?"

Maddy stammered. "I hadn't. I mean I didn't put anything together. But now I can see…" Maddy grabbed for her wrapper and put it on, holding it tightly together.

Hoss walked over to Joe and Adam and put his arm around both of them. "It's okay, Shortshanks. You can tell us everything later. We got a lot of talkin' to do."

Joe pulled away from Adam and looking at Hoss, gave a slight laugh and said, "I never thought I ever say this, but Hoss, you're beautiful!" They laughed and grabbed the back of each other's neck, looking into each other's face. "Sorry if I hurt you, older brother," Joe said.

"Shucks," Hoss said, "It was like bein' bit by a mosquito, but one day, I may pay you back." He wagged his finger at Joe.

Maddy watched the three brothers, all so happy to see each other and although she knew she should be happy for Joe to be reunited with those who loved him and to be able to remember his forgotten life, she was sad for herself. She and "David" were planning to have a life together and now she had nothing. She had nothing but a few more years to be attractive to men and then what would she do if she couldn't find a man to marry her? She didn't want to think about it.

"How's Pa?" Joe asked.

"Sick with worry over you," Adam answered. "We need to wire him and let him know we found your sorry ass still in one piece."

"Yeah, brothers, Let's go," Hoss said, buckling his belt and then swinging his jacket over his shoulder.

They turned to leave but Joe held back and looked to Maddy. She reached over and picked up Joe's jacket and held it out to him. "Here, take your jacket too. Don't leave anything here."

"You still got the money for the bull?" Hoss asked. "We got a wire sayin' you never showed."

"Money?" Joe thought. "Oh, the money." Joe suddenly remembered the secret pocket and how proud Hop Sing was about sewing it into the lining. He felt around inside the jacket until he found it and pulled out the two thousand dollars for the bull and stared at it. "I forgot I had it."

"Well, there's an upside to your losing your memory after all; we still have the money," Adam said.

Joe looked at his brothers. "Can I talk to Maddy alone," Joe said. "She helped me."

Adam and Hoss looked at one another. "Just don't be too long," Adam said. "You understand why we don't want to let you out of our sight for too long, right?"

Joe gave a small laugh. "One of you can wait outside the door and the other in the street below the window if it makes you feel any better."

"Just hurry, little brother," Hoss said and he and Adam left the room, closing the door behind them.

Joe walked over to Maddy where she stood pressed up against the wall.

"You don't have to say anything, Joe," Maddy said. "It was fun while it lasted, wasn't it. And I really am happy that you remembered who you are. You're apparently rich. That's a great thing to remember." She attempted a laugh.

"Maddy," Joe said, holding her face in his hands. "Come with me back to the Ponderosa. Marry me like we talked about. We love each other, Maddy. I'll never find a woman who can do for me what you can. Never. If it hadn't been for you, well, I owe my life to you."

"Joe, owing your life to me is not the same as loving me and besides, we did have a good time. Lot's of good memories there You'll remember them won't you?" Maddy tried to laugh at the joke. "And, Joe, you'll find another girl who'll love to smack that tight little butt of yours and thrill you in all the ways I did."

"Now don't get me all heated up and bothered again," Joe teased. He pulled her closer but she gently pushed him away.

"Go on, Joe. Get out. I have work to do. I have to make a living too." She tried to be flippant but her eyes were filling with tears despite her smile.

Joe paused a moment, then reached into the hidden pocket in his jacket and pulled out the bills again. "Take this, Maddy," Joe said pressing the bills into her hand.

"Oh, Joe, I can't take this, it's your family's money."

"Yes, you can take it," Joe said as he leaned over and gently kissed her. "Consider it a reward for finding me and the pay for my keep. There's not enough money in the whole Nevada territory to pay you for all the nights of pleasure you gave me."

And with one last kiss, Joe turned and went back to his remembered life. And once she was alone, Maddy cried for the life she almost had but which was now lost forever, lost along with David who had never really existed-but she couldn't deny that her happiness with him had existed-and she would never forget it.

~Finis~


End file.
